Absence as Death

What is death? A permanent kind of absence from the lives of all the other persons of the world – both in space and time. When there is no possibility of meeting a person again, due to their physical-temporal absence from the earth, they are called dead. I was never even born, as far as 99.999999 percent people of the world are concerned. For the remaining 0.000001 percent whom I have known or will know in the course of my life, I am some kind of door through which they pass into and out of my sphere of existence and vice versa.

For my school mates from my city of birth, I am dead already; not physically-temporally but practically. In fact, I have been dead for nearly all of them for over twenty years since I left the school. At present I am in telephonic touch with seven of them. When I return to my city, not surely every year, I sometimes meet three of my school mates with shops in our locality. Out of those hundreds of class and school mates I had studied with in my fourteen school years I am alive only for ten, that too, only occasionally. Then, amongst my University class mates that number in hundreds again, I am alive only for four, also for five of them with whom I used to spend a lot of adda time around the campus and at Lanka.

Amongst the members of my extended family on both the sides, many of whom I have in one sided contact with, I have facebook relation with ten, and then the telephonic one with a handful more. So, for most of my blood relations too, I either do not exist or do so sporadically. Death will be some sort of confirmation, an erasure that acts as a full stop to the long page scripted with erasures from the lives of other human beings.

Let’s look at death from my side too: that of others and of mine. Well, as I am dead fro others on and off, they are dead for me in a similar manner. Looking at my physical death is a matter totally different and very difficult to do. It’s difficult because it’s highly personal and it’s different from all the previous ones because it can never be born of absence. I can’t be absent from my own self until I’m in the state of a vegetable, and when that happens I’ll not be thinking anyway.

So, my death for myself shall never be virtual or some kind of reworking upon the word or any metaphorical modification. It will always be physical-physiological and final. For all practical purposes then, I am dead for my city of birth and for most of the people from there who knew/know me (which is/was a very insignificant, nearly negligible percentage of its total population). In my present life, the life beyond my city, I die every day for everyone I know and vice versa.

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